paradox

in this dream ; 27th October 2025

i ran home 

I found this boy he’s alert 

almost armed, it’s hard to breathe ,

‘have you ever had the desire to be freed by someones hands?’

he believed everything and now 

we don’t understand anything anymore .

we take turns to heal , easier together gripping at each others chest to keep the pain alive to honour being remembered for all the times we were wronged .

calm down 

he only sings along when 

‘Love will be the death of me ‘ comes on the radio and that’s so funny because that’s the only song I can fall asleep to ever since I started lying .

it never came out , the news said the singer overdosed , October 2025  , his last words were ‘I feel myself sinking in love , will I survive  ‘ , his eyes lost , cold setting in , the light left barely but I swear I saw it , it was visible but it ran , maybe im trippin’ 

anyways SURVIVAL had always thrived and 

I believe we’re both so smart but we agree the worlds been smelling of grave and the realms are blurring ,

my heads been hurting ever since , it never goes our way does it ? 

nobody understand us love but they will never know , we’ve pushed them

All out haven’t we , the first step to disappearing , it’s working , 

LINE WITHOUT a hook ;

He looked at me and I saw threat , nothing makes sense but why does it always reek of all the things I never had the courage to admit , he’ll know, scary;

but atleast not till today I guess .

Do they ever recognise us , do they my sun ?

crystal tries to overpower me everyday it’s so close im tired of running , lying , cheating , hiding 

Sush , he voice is my calm/command;

this boy who stands up rarely ever talks,maybe the voices are louder , shriller now 

Is it deafening almost love 

I remember thinking how you hid your secrets so well so carefully /heartless;

it’s okay you were a child , it’s not your fault/cruel;

I held this boy and his eyes always replicated the light ,

everyday I play the sun to me on the radio  and it keeps going like a broken cassette stuck on a loop , 

there’s only two ways 

you break the radio and it never plays again you forget it hurts less ,

or you choose to only admire the beauty iin committing to the one thing save it till it burns out , times running out , end of the fuckin world is nearer anyways ;

another day im awake , control left today left a note on the bathroom mirror saying its never coming back ,

I panic, he carries me ,

hunts control breaks her bones and lies her

bare in front of me ,

I wait , he returned and kissed my lips ,

Doesn’t burn anymore 

looking up 

he raises his eyebrow , wraps ‘control ‘ in a blue blanket ,places it on my chest and whispers we’re safe , I hear soulmates/ karma ;

sinners I cry with, how can someone so holy exist in this darkness , why is he still here ? I ask myself 

usually I wake up by now , 

he’s not here today , this feels 

stolen ; is this really mine ? who’s watching us?does it really matter? Is this safe enough ? Am I alive ? Is this all for nothing , not this , let me get what I need , not this I beg :

look at me , imagine, this 

so I lost this boy , he got stuck inn his head 

I scream , very loud, not again 

Ill perish trying to keep up the smile he gave me , trying to find him and bring him home from the maze , the silence tailing along 

It’s not nothing , words exists between us but he never knows,

Maybe ————— 

I think I should ask him to go running through sunflower fields when the sun is hitting us , the voices leave /not yet 

be someone so hilarious that they make his worst days funny too . 

be someone so I can moan into  his mouth how flowers beg to the almighty only to  be half  as pretty as him 

he smirks , writing love on napkins? 

a love  so safe it’s almost look like an August sunset by the lake 

be so bright he’s no longer blinded by the past 

a lover , a healer , he saves me in this world of darkness, I hear they tend to say im a terrible lover 

but here 

we are 

The worlds fuckin burning anyways

All of you , always , only if you’d ask ,

I’d burn this place down so you can finally feel the warmth they always hid you from ,Afraid the warms would never return , what a shame to  let you go , 

didn’t I tell you , you’re special 

I’d tuck you in the warmest chamber of my crystal heart , to js exist , to let me see how 

we escaped the love and the death and now 

we get to chose 

calm down and just know 

Love is a choice not a guilt embedded reason to survive ;